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Smoothing down the ironing board
Spray some starch, unpack your sword
In the leather swivel chair
Do it with a twirling flair
Would you like it in a truck?
Grab the wheel, start to suck
Or how about a minivan
If alone, just use one hand
Would you like it in a pool?
Six feet deep, that's the rule
Or how about a frozen lake
Cut a hole, use a stake
How about a lion's den
Daniel's got it up again
Or in the Valley of the Kings
Look at those Egyptian things!
Some like it in a closet bare
Angora sweater or pubic hair?
A gritty sandbox is always fine
To give yourself a darn good time
Or try a casket, there's a place
But wipe the ashes off your face
Even bridges have their charm
Though passing cars may cause alarm
In the field, on the green
You can be a sex machine
Or in a seashell by the shore
Go and go till you're feeling sore
Some want it on a silver platter
Spread those tits with pancake batter
Or in a well, that's a joy
Fill the bucket with your toy
I like it in a shopping cart
Secure the seat before you start
Or stretched across the railroad track
Hump her good and don't look back
How about a tortoise shell
Show your head, ring her bell
Or on a bed of coals galore
That will never be a bore
I think it's best to quit the bed
To go outside, try the shed
Or gambol to the piggy sty
And find yourself a place to lie
A place to fuck, someday there'll be
And we will do it happily
We'll do it on an island nice
That will add a little spice
Or in a rowboat by the pier
Let it rip, don't try to steer
The thing I think is best of all
May be the thing you most appall
But try it all, be omnivore
Today pristine, tomorrow whore!
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