K E V I N M C G O W I N
If you're a Sagittarius you can be an opera singer,
Like Callas or Schwartzkopf,
But if you're a Scorpio you'll have to settle with
Being an actress, like me or Madame Sarah. However,
If you're a Libra, you're liable to end up getting shot
Or being put in prison for burning down a feed store
Like this woman I know, or worse: Libras are crazy, I tell you,
And even moreso than if you're an Aries,
You'll want to get a prescription for Paxil,
Calm down and join a good twelve-step program,
And overcome those nasty Saturns I bet you've got
In your chart. If you can't get a new sign,
Get a new life. Once, I stayed up drinking
With this big fat Libra I knew,
And, after drinking four liters of French Colombard
Straight out of the bottle,
He chased me around the apartment with a baseball bat,
And when I finally got out,
He went to work trashing my place. I called the cops
But they weren't about to take on a Libra
Who looked like that guy in the Miller's Tale,
So I fled to a friend's house for dear life.
Man, I should have stopped drinking then. Anyway,
If you're a Leo you can be a pompous smart-ass
Like Peter O'Toole, or if you're a Pisces you can
Hang movie star posters all over your walls and just stare.
But Libras need some serious Paxil, folks. And my
Apartment? Well, like my friend John Windton said then,
Just let it go, honey, it's gone.
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